No by David Walsh, PhD

This book was reviewed in our local newspaper awhile back and it interested me so I checked it out from the library. I really enjoyed this book. I felt like it reflected our parenting style. It was nice to have a book validate what I have always believed in.

Here are a few chapter headings:

• No: Why Kids Need it
• Saying No in a Yes Culture
• No and the Brain
• Self-Esteem: Kids Need the Real Thing
• Taming the Gimmes
• Raising Media Wise Kids
• No is Not a Destination; No is the Road to Yes

He also has a chapter on different stages and how No is applicable and important during that stage such as toddler, middle years, teenage, etc.

At the end of each chapter he has Do's and Don'ts as well as a checklist to see how you are doing and where you need to improve.

Some points I like in the book:

• Tell stories that promote values.
• Slow down and take time to listen to your children.
• Limit your child's media.
• Teach your children patience. Make sure they periodically have to wait for things.
• Evaluate whether you allow your child to face No.
• Make family a priority.
• Decide if your kids are doing too much.
• Don't do things for your kids that they should be able to do for themselves.
• Don't become a nonstop entertainment committee for your children.
• Don't give your children everything they want.
• Don't become a doormat for disrespectful behavior. Tolerance and patience are important parental traits, but you are allowed to insist-and should insist- on courteous and responsible behavior by your children.

Here's what he has to say about balanced parenting:

• Clearly establish limits with judicious use of No.
• Firmly, consistently enforce consequences.
• Be respectful and engaged with your kids and require that from them in return.
• Keep an emotional connection with your kids.
• Demand accountability and responsibility, but always combine your demands with respect and warmth.
• Negotiate, up to a point, You set the rules as the parent.
• Give and take and-only occasionally-compromise.

My goal as a parent is to raise children who will be able to handle being an adult. I hope they will become successful, competent, loving, hard-working, spiritual adults (to name a few). If kids are not given a chance to face difficulties, how will they learn once they leave the nest. At least when they are at home, they can learn what they need to in a loving, caring, safe environment.

I also like how Dr. Walsh discusses how media influences children. Brad and I take the media's influence very seriously. Our kids do not watch any TV at home. We limit movies to long road trips and occasionally a free movie in the theater. We make sure the movies they do see are appropriate for their age and maturity. We do let them play computer games but this does not happen frequently enough to be a problem and most of the games they play are educational or art activities.

Some people think this is strange but we LOVE it!!!! I could post all the reasons why and how and what and maybe I will sometime but for this post I'll say that it is a blessing in our house. At this time of the year, I'm grateful that no one is telling my kids what they want for Christmas. Since they are not exposed to commercials, they decide for themselves.

So I would encourage all parents to find a copy and see what might help your family.