Why Me?

Have you ever had a church calling when you seriously questioned WHY ME???!!!! I have - twice - with the same calling. I'm currently the Primary Chorister and I have been since April 2006. When I was called to be the chorister I cried! - right in front of the 2nd Councilor. It was so embarrassing. But I seriously questioned why on Earth should I have to do this again! I suffered through this calling back in Houston. I was the chorister in Houston for 3 Primary Programs way back in like 1997 - 1999 or something like that. I hated just about every minute of this calling but I did it and tried my best. I thought I had put in my time (like a prison sentence) and wouldn't have to do it again, ever. But noooo, I was called to do it again. I mean, I can't even sing!!! In fact, I hate to sing in front of people. I will sing in the car with my kids (until they tell me to be quiet because they would rather hear the music) or in the shower when I feel so inclined but in front of PEOPLE and not only that but I have to teach people to sing (okay, they are kids but still there are other adults in the room). I am not musically talented. I can hardly remember words to songs. I mean sometimes I forget the words to I Am a Child of God and I have known that song forever! This just seemed to much to bear.

When the Bishop heard of my pathetic, tear-filled response to my calling, he told the councilor the decision to accept this calling was totally up to me and to think about it and get back with them with a decision. So I wrestled with the decision for awhile (part of me hoped if I took too long they would say just forget it and call someone else). I seriously felt like I could not do this calling but I had never turned down a calling before and felt like I was horrible just to even consider turning it down. I had no idea what to do despite my prayers and pleadings. So one day I got a call from the Bishop. He asked me to come and see him. When I met with him, he told me he felt like he should talk to me about my concerns about this calling. He then proceeded to address all of my concerns and fears. When I left his office, I was still unsure of what I would do but I left with a strong testimony of the inspired leadership and stewardship of a bishop. I was amazed that everything he talked to me about was exactly my concerns and questions. I left the meeting feeling loved and understood (but still no definite decision as to whether I would accept the calling). Of course you know how this ends because I am currently the chorister but I accepted this calling knowing that for some strange, still unknown to me, reason I should do this.

I still really dislike this calling, some Sundays more than others. Some days I think it is okay and I can bear it but other days I just want to cry all over again (but surprisingly I don't). I do my best to make singing time a positive experience for the kids. Our program is in 3 weeks and I can honestly say I did my best teaching the songs. I'm sure some else could have done a better job but I always say, "You get what you pay for". I really hope I don't have to do it much longer. I always have a huge sense of relief when my turn is over and I don't have to do it for another week. I look forward to Stake and General Conference because it means no singing time and I loved taking 7 weeks off when I had Ben. Despite all that, I hope that I have made an impression on the kids and they have a better understanding of the gospel through the music we learn but what I have learned the most is that our leaders are inspired and God has a plan for us even though we might not like it!

Now I just pray that the kids will actually sing during our Sacrament Meeting program so I won't be doing a solo in front of the whole ward - my worst nightmare! Yaaa - Why Me?!